The ET Approach Works

The announcement that we will announce our announcement in a conference call with supporters... tee hee hee, it works. Already, they're breathlessly reporting this breaking news of the news that will break next week -- check out, so far, the LA Times and CBS News.

I suppose the other outlets are waiting to report on the conference call itself, in which I will announce that we will make the official announcement next week. They would rather report that, instead of the leaked announcement that we will use the call to announce the upcoming announcement. It's a matter of journalistic integrity or something.

Oh, Lordy Lordy

Folks, I just don't know what to say about this Larry Craig business. But I definitely can see why the GOP caucus stripped him of his committee assignments: I mean, how can someone who goes in for sex in public bathrooms be the lead Republican on a committee all about Superfund and environmental health? His career is a brownfield.

Oh, lordy. We just didn't need another scandal, what with all the GOP Senate seats coming up in the next election that we aren't sure we can keep.

Eat That, Pygmies

Word is coming out that the USA Today/Gallup nationwide is going to show Hellcat Clinton way out in the lead of her race, with a 22-point lead over Obama -- and that the GOP race has Limpnuts at 33%, Big Daddy himself at 21, McNuts at 16 (really? that much?), and Miss Romney at 8.

Either Miss Romney and McNuts are getting reported erroneously -- surely it's Miss Romney at 16 and McNuts at 8? -- or Miss Romney has been so busy buying herself front runner status in Iowa that she has been slipping and sliding nationwide.

Democrats Are Weak

I always feel really good inside when I see things like this: the Democrats just caving in to what the president wants, in this case the power to continue spying on the American people in the name of the war on terror. Sure, they go back and forth a while over it, but in the end they just give in. Never mind that the president's approval ratings are even lower than theirs.

When I see them flailing around and then lining up to suck Dubya's cock again and again, it makes me feel really good about our shot at beating them in 08.

Well, This Isn't Good News

As the Pussycrats bask in the afterglow of their YouTube debate circle jerk, I just got handed some bad news from my staff: a Washington Post piece about a poll holding that "[m]ost Americans see President Bush as intransigent on Iraq and prefer that the Democratic-controlled Congress make decisions over a possible withdrawal of U.S. forces."

Now that's just not good news. We've been banking on the public's low approval ratings of the Democrat-controlled Congress as a sign that we still have a clear shot at the White House. But this makes me fear you've got a lot of folks out there with a clear preference of Democrats over Republicans when it comes to the war. I don't want to see a spillover effect of that on the presidential race.

The People Are Good to Me

Ah, yes. I am already in the lead.

The other guys can chatter all they want about me not being conservative enough. As if that matters. People want image, and that's what I'm ready to serve up.

Go GOP! Woo! Rebel yell!

Why I Have No Doubt I Will Be Your Next President

So, it's 1:30 in the AM, and I'm up because my dang sciatica is flaring up. Let me tell you, being 64 is no walk in the park, unless you're imagining a walk in the park on your knees. And being up, flipping through the channels and finding not even a Skinemax movie to enjoy, I was thinking about how I just know I will walk right into the Oval Office with barely a fight.

Because the Democrats will annihilate their chances at the office. Even their own have to admit it: the Democrats plain and simple have a culture problem. If crap like this is what they think of as culture, well they're just cruising for a bruising. Thank god that cultural politics is our expertise.

Something Going Right

After the unfortunate news that we are losing our base to the Dems, it is reassuring to see a little good news: I'm catching up to the number 1 spot in the race for the nomination. Without having officially become a candidate still.

Michelle, Tamika and Tanya Wanna Ride This Train

Giddy-up! LA Times says I have already pulled way ahead -- not tied for number two, but the sole occupant of number two, with McNuts and Miss Romney duking it out for third.

Limpiani -- you're next.

Ron Paul is down there with Brokeback, Tancrappo. and Fuckabee trying to get a half a percent of the crumbs we leave them. The mighty, mighty netroots sure are looking pretty flaccid right about now. See? So much for these nontraditional, blogging and bullshit exercises. Just give the people want they want -- a superficial image of authority and all-around manliness. The rest will fall right into place.

I am going to make a great president.

Jeri, honey, I think it's a blue pill night!

Dissatisfied? Just You Wait.

Yee haw! Sure, the latest poll has the public dissatisfied with the current president, but they're also dissatisfied with the Pussycrats. Hell yeah.

You people need me.

I know; it's a lot of horse shit. But I'm going to ride that sunofabitch horse straight into the White House.

Chuckle... I've Got This Thing Sewn Up

All that time carefully cultivating my public persona in Hollywood has paid off: I make the ladies cream in their jeans. Miss Romney thought she would have this kind of appeal, but face facts: the soccer moms don't have wet dreams about guys with better hair than they have.

Note to self: maybe I should get some of my "grassroots" operatives to make some T-shirts that call me Big Stud Daddy, the Ultimate DILF, Former Senator Studly, Superschlong, something like that.

I am going to make a great president. Two terms -- and more, once we get that constitutional amendment passed. I'm going to be the new FDR. But without the cripple thing.

Just Kickin' Back

My address yesterday did exactly what I knew it would do: buzz, buzz, buzz. Big Daddy doesn't have to spend a dime to get his name out there -- they're all doing it for me.

I love politics.

I'm in It to Win It

Can an actor and elite insider sell himself to the public as a folksy outsider and become president of the United States? You betcha.

All I had to do was wait for those numb-nuts to make fools of themselves, and now I get to swoop in as a savior. "Folks, we're a bit down politically right now, but I think we're on the comeback trail," I said at a fundraiser, and everybody there knew what it meant. I am the Great White Hope who will save our party from being represented by a limp-dicked loudmouth, a pretty boy who wears funny underwear, a wannabe maverick who's anything but, and that nutjob that the computer geeks love.

That's right. I'm the Republican Party's only chance. And I get to go home to a hot wife. America is dying to have a fine piece of tail as First Lady.