Stop Reading the So-Called 'Experts' Already

The political press insists on forcing the facts to fit the story it wants to tell -- and if they don't like the facts, they'll just toss them aside.

Nobody knows this better than Big Daddy. Newsweek is going on and on about my "slow start," and George Will and Robert Novak both are telling everyone I've already crashed and burned.

Meanwhile, I had surged into number one according to the Rasmussen poll of likely GOP primary voters, who also rate me most conservative.

I honestly don't know why anyone pays any attention to those numb nuts in the political press. What's really going on here? They have complete contempt for what the people are really thinking, and they're too lazy to find out anything other than the conventional wisdom they share in all the insider cocktail parties.

(And I know all about what goes on in those insider cocktail parties first hand.)

There's Fact, There's Fiction, and Then There's the Political Press

I don't know what kind of fantasy-land the political press people are living in. They're dying to say that my campaign is already withered on the vine, but the fact is that the people are lining up to lick my hairy toes.

Here's the latest "Mama say wha'?" moment: the National Journal says of the blogosphere, "Conservative frustration with the tortured roll out of the Fred Thompson campaign is undercutting blogger enthusiasm for the campaign."

The same day that was published, my "tortured roll out" had already put me in a dead tie for number one.

What do we learn from this example of political press types reaching into their own asses, pulling out a wad of shit, and plopping it down on the page?

(1) Don't turn to the political press for the news. Or insight. Or, for that matter, anything, unless you just need the newsprint to line your bird cage.

(2) Stop paying attention to the blogosphere. Pay attention to the people. If blogger interest mattered one bit, then Ron Paul would be the big dick of the candidate pool, not the spooge-rag he is.

This Is Going to Be a Cake Walk

You know, last night when I just sitting there on the john because I had a hard time peeing, I thought, "I wonder what people are going to make of my record." Because I went all the way out there and supported some real bullshit back when I was in the Senate.

But then I remembered: no one cares. Who the hell is going to dig up that crazy regulatory reform bill I cosponsored, if most people in this country don't even know what a regulation is? Honestly, if this is what passes for political coverage anymore, I've got nothing to worry about.

Note to self: don't change a thing with the public education system.