And Then God Smiled on the GOP

Oh, hallelujah! There's nothing like a gay marriage decision to make people want to vote Republican!

Sure, there's a bit of a contradiction in having a party with so many leaders being exposed as gay (and sleazy gay at that) being the party opposed to gay marriage. But no one is going to hold those two separate thoughts in their head at the same time. We've carefully defunded public education for years to make sure of that.

Finally, a way to make people think that voting Republican will actually give them something they want!

Sigh.

OK, so I'm no expert on anything, and I don't pretend to even know a thing about children's health and the State Children's Health Insurance Program, but even I know this: it just doesn't help our party when Bush rejects any attempt to make a deal to keep SCHIP alive.

In other words, he's saying NO to children's health. That's all anyone will hear.

OK, but that's assuming anyone will actually hear about it. The one thing I am going to have to rely on is that people are stupid and don't like to hear about policy details. Start talking to the people about SCHIP, and their eyes will glaze over.

If not for ignorance like that, I don't think our whole party would have a prayer.

This Is Going to Be a Cake Walk

You know, last night when I just sitting there on the john because I had a hard time peeing, I thought, "I wonder what people are going to make of my record." Because I went all the way out there and supported some real bullshit back when I was in the Senate.

But then I remembered: no one cares. Who the hell is going to dig up that crazy regulatory reform bill I cosponsored, if most people in this country don't even know what a regulation is? Honestly, if this is what passes for political coverage anymore, I've got nothing to worry about.

Note to self: don't change a thing with the public education system.