Enough Already -- Odds Are I'll Survive to Reelection

Look, folks, I don't know why this whole "cancer" business keep cropping up in the news. Silence on this subject is golden.

Don't worry. Vote for me. The odds are good for that gamble: I have a better than even shot of still being alive after four years, and a decent shot at being alive throughout a second term.

Life's a crap shoot, folks. Anybody could drop dead any time for any reason. Just because you have a reason to believe I might drop dead from cancer in the next few years doesn't mean you have to count me out altogether from becoming your president.

Besides, don't you think it would be exciting to have a dying man in the White House? Every time you watch my State of the Union, the ending will be like a cliffhanger!