Everyone Deserves His Day in Congress

Honest to goodness, I just don't understand all the fluff and huff about my days as a lobbyist.

You know, that John Edwards was a lawyer, and he probably represented a low life or two -- they couldn't all be pure as the driven snow, could they? And if you dug up, say, a welfare queen from his clientele, wouldn't he just say that everyone deserves his day in court?

That's the deal here, folks. Everyone with the money to hire a high-powered lobbyist deserves his day in Congress. I was doing a public service. And yes, maybe Jean-Bertrand Arisitide did a few nasty things in office, but what leader of a nation doesn't have to resort to a dirty trick or two just to hold his country together?

(Which is, incidentally, why you don't heap judgment on American heroes like good ol' Scooter Libby... sometimes folks have to lie for their president and vice president so that they can do things outside the law that help the nation, like destroying the career of someone who is serving undercover for the country if destroying that career and putting that person's life in danger serves the common good. Free Scooter!)

And really, Aristide just needed my help promoting his plans to beautify Haiti with some innovative fragrance emissions.

That's all there is to say. We're moving on, folks. This campaign is about the future.