I'm in It to Win It

Can an actor and elite insider sell himself to the public as a folksy outsider and become president of the United States? You betcha.

All I had to do was wait for those numb-nuts to make fools of themselves, and now I get to swoop in as a savior. "Folks, we're a bit down politically right now, but I think we're on the comeback trail," I said at a fundraiser, and everybody there knew what it meant. I am the Great White Hope who will save our party from being represented by a limp-dicked loudmouth, a pretty boy who wears funny underwear, a wannabe maverick who's anything but, and that nutjob that the computer geeks love.

That's right. I'm the Republican Party's only chance. And I get to go home to a hot wife. America is dying to have a fine piece of tail as First Lady.